based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
