yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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