he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
