Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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