just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i came on her dog
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
