Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
