im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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