I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
