apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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