How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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