At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
