dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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