I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
