Small penises have feelings too.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
