Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
