So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
