College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
