Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
