It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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