God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
