If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
