You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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