trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
