Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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