What a fucking waste of an outfit
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize
