If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
