This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
