oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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