If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
