Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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