We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
