All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
