btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
where are my eyebrows?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
