dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
