I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
