Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
