I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
