I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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