Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's shark week go big or go home
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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