Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
