y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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