Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
