WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
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