yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The air was thick with penises
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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