My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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