Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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