Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
