ya dads aren't the best wingmen
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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