i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
