There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
